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We were good mates then, but nothing more. We are both architects and I went to see some of his latest work. He offered me a drink and we ended up getting drunk. He is slightly older and also identifies as heterosexual. (He is really good looking but, mysteriously, has been single for many years.) We drank too much and kissed. We were embarrassed, but for the past year we have regularly met and kissed, but he doesn’t go beyond a certain point physically. He loves me, too, he says, but as a brother/best friend, not as a partner. Recently, he has stopped kissing me on the lips, but we sleep in the same bed and cuddle. Is he straight, is he gay/bisexual and, more importantly, should I have any hope of finding romantic love with him? It’s frustrating and confusing. I don’t want to beg him to do more if he doesn’t feel comfortable and at the same time it would hurt to walk away from this man (and hurt my career if I left my job). Whether you two are gay or straight, bi or just having fun, you should probably stop kissing for long enough to have a conversation about what’s happening between you. I don’t often look to Meat Loaf for inspiration, but “you took the words right out of my mouth, it must have been while you were kissing me,” strikes a chord here.
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You really need to talk!Ī surprise encounter appears to have evolved into a regular habit, but with so much secrecy, embarrassment and confusion it’s impossible to gauge what the relationship is all about. For two grown men to be playing out an affair like a pair of adolescent virgins would be fine if that’s what you were mutually set on. In your case, however, neither of you appears to have faced up to where it might lead. This tryst that dare not speak its name feels positively 19th century and your mysterious, good-looking, serially single and emotionally buttoned-up colleague positively Darcyesque.